Francis Ford Coppola’s latest feat, Megalopolis, has been the subject of much conversation amongst film lovers over the past six months. However, it’s probably not the kind of conversation Coppola or Lionsgate, the film’s reluctant distributor, would want us to have, as none of it pertains to its quality. That’s because Megalopolis is one of the dullest films of the 21st century. The film can best be described by expressing how watching Megalopolis is like watching over 120 million dollars, the film’s budget, being actively and voluntarily burned by Coppola himself. 

For those unaware of the film’s strenuous development and production history, Megalopolis has been a dream project for the Godfather director since 1977. He was initially inspired by Fritz Lang’s science fiction film, Metropolis (1927) and William Cameron Menzie’s Things to Come (1936). But, after decades of prioritizing other projects, his vision never came to fruition. Fast forward to 2021, and Coppola is selling his extremely profitable Sonoma County wineries to self-finance the expensive price tag Megalopolis carries. With so much at stake for Coppala, it’s shocking that he’d let this many things go wrong throughout this film’s production, post-production, and release, but here we are. 

Sometimes, even for the most esteemed filmmakers like Francis Ford Coppola, taking your film through the festival circuit is a bad idea. It remains to be seen how its Venice Film Festival premiere and subsequent mixed reviews will affect Joker: Folie á Deux’s box office next month, but based on early financial projections, things are not looking well for Megalopolis, which went a similar if not more treacherous route. It screened at not one but two very high profile festivals: Cannes and TIFF. While premiering your movie at different festivals can be a wildly rewarding risk, it can also mark the end of it before it’s even released to the public. Coppola’s 40-years-in-the-making “epic” first screened for critics, buyers, and fans this past May at the 77th annual Cannes Film Festival, where it struggled to secure distribution due to the disastrous audience reactions. 

Still, things were starting to look up for Megalopolis as more reviews flooded the internet, claiming the film was so bonkers and indescribable you just had to see it with your own eyes. With a boost in publicity, Lionsgate Entertainment unenthusiastically snatched up the distribution rights, which I’m sure they’re now regretting after their most recent releases have fizzled critically and commercially. To Coppala’s assumed disappointment, Lionsgate’s acquisition of the film marked the end of the good times. It started in July when Variety reported Coppola had been inappropriate with extras during the movie’s filming. From there, Megalopolis was hit with publicity nightmare after publicity nightmare, including a botched ad campaign that featured fake review headlines from very real critics to capitalize on the negative reviews out of Cannes; this was then followed by interview excerpts where Coppola specifically said he set out to make a movie that couldn’t be labelled as a “woke Hollywood production.” Enter John Vought and Shia LaBeouf. Many, including myself, wondered where Coppola’s PR manager was and why they hadn’t taped his mouth shut. We’ve still never discovered what happened to them. 

All of that aside, if Megalopolis were a fantastic, or even great, movie, every misfire I’ve pointed out would simply become part of the next Hollywood classic’s legendary behind-the-scenes story. Unfortunately for everyone involved in Megalopolis and everyone who chooses to watch it, that’s not the case, even though it features one of the strongest casts out of any film in 2024. 

Starring Adam Driver, Aubrey Plaza, Giancarlo Esposito, Nathalie Emmanuel, Jason Schwartzman, Laurence Fishburne, and Dustin Hoffman, Megalopolis disjointedly tells the story of an architect named Cesar Catilina (Driver), who holds the power to stop time and envisions turning New York City, dubbed New Rome in the future, into a utopian society. Cesar struggles to realize his dream as New Rome’s current leader. Mayor Franklyn Cicero (Esposito) refuses to change the regressive status quo, keeping the city in ruin and Cicero wealthy. Complicating the matter is Cesar falling in love with Cicero’s daughter, Julia (Emmanuel). 

At times, it might seem like a lot is happening in Megalopolis. Important-looking people talk very seriously about world-altering events. Adam Driver stops and reverses time occasionally for no reason in particular. Aubrey Plaza, the only saving grace of this movie, plays a TV presenter named Wow Platinum, which I’m not making up. These are only a few of the most bonkers elements featured throughout Megalopolis. Yet, amongst all of the absurdity, watching it play out is almost as interesting as watching paint dry, and the most baffling thing about it is that Coppola was so intent on making it. 

The visuals of Megalopolis are the film’s biggest crime against cinema. For such an expensive movie, it looks like it was produced in the same era as Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003), and that’s being generous. Furthermore, the visual problems don’t only lie with the CGI. The CGI is the primary element that successfully contributes to the film’s futuristic quality, even though it’s not very good. Coppola’s sets and locations do the opposite. It’s clear Coppola shot many sequences on soundstages, and it’s painfully apparent when scenes are set on location because almost zero effort was seemingly made to make these places transportive or otherworldy.

If there’s one positive thing I can say about Megalopolis, the hopeful utopian tone Coppola has given the film is refreshing to see on screen, living in a real world fueled by animosity and hate. The movie is dedicated to Coppola’s late wife, Eleanor, and the filmmaker has often stated that Megalopolis is a hopeful love story about a better tomorrow. These elements are undeniably sweet but are far better suited for other genres that aren’t blockbuster epics. Structurally, crafting a movie of this nature that maintains its hopefulness the entire run time is impossible, and Coppola proves it because Megalopolis is extremely boring as a result; that’s the last phrase one should use to describe a Francis Ford Coppola production, especially when we don’t know how many more the world will get.