What is the best way to deal with being in a long distance and unstable relationship? There’s certainly no easy answer - relationships are complicated and everyone handles the making and breaking of them differently. But Isidore Bethel has an answer for his own situation: explore new connections with other men. He opens the documentary Acts of Love - co-directed by himself and his dear friend Francis Leplay - with a synopsis of the concept of the film: inviting men through online dating apps to be on camera for half an hour in exchange for something - maybe sex. “The guys who came in have agreed to act in a film with me,” he explains in this prologue. “They don’t know what it’ll be about. And neither do I.”

There is something initially frustrating, yet inevitably admirable about starting with nothing in this manner. In Acts of Love, the perception of aimlessness could leave some audiences floundering through the reels of awkward intimate-but-not-romantic scenarios, constantly wondering why Isidore would resort to such an unorthodox and arguably unhealthy way of handling a separation. He puts himself out there - both with the subjects of the film and in front of audiences - in a perpetual state of exposure and vulnerability just to ultimately see what comes of it.

Floundering is the state that Isidore finds himself in attempting to cope with the fragility of his most recent relationship and the passion he feels for a man he is enamored with. Narration from Isidore happens throughout the course of the film, but it’s not aimed at the audience. Rather, he’s talking directly to this ex-boyfriend - spoken with great prose and worded for optimal impact.

The idea of floundering - in this case meaning sorting through thoughts, feelings, and emotions to better understand them - makes more sense with Isidore’s debut feature documentary, Liam, as complementary context to Acts of Love. In this tragic segment of Isidore’s life, he finds himself making a film about his childhood best friend whom the film is named after following his untimely passing. With input from family members and relatives, including endearing insight from Isidore’s mother and father, Isidore pieces together what made their friendship work and the truth that makes his best friend’s passing sting even more than initially felt.

Like in Liam, Isidore’s mother chimes in periodically throughout Acts of Love, communicating an outside-looking-in sense that Isidore struggles to - or perhaps simply refuses to - accept. But these conversations over the phone are genuine highlights of the film. It’s admirable how open and honest he can be to her about his feelings and the work he’s doing, despite her persistent objections.

“Unless it’s an ironic title, I don’t think it has anything to do about love,” she says at one point in the film when discussing the project with Isidore. He responds, “what do you think it has to do with?”

“Um,” she thinks, followed by a long pause. “Just a series of encounters that don’t seem to have much meaning.” He challenges the notion, but what follows for the remainder of the film is, in fact, a series of encounters that don’t seem to have much meaning. Isidore’s mother is correct (as moms usually are) in the fact that it’s not a romantic notion of love or finding a soul mate that he’s exploring. Rather, it’s desire he’s indulging and the inherent thrill of being wanted. She goes on to say, “I’m not sure people will get it,” and this, also, is something she will be correct about for many audiences.

I personally didn’t connect with Isidore’s need to explore encounters with the variety of men featured in this film. Most of their interactions with him seem aimed at accomplishing self-serving objectives, often leaving Isidore appearing unsatisfied and uncomfortable. But what I do get, however, is the cry for attention that these choices seemed to be demanding, verging on the cusp of egocentrism and narcissism - perhaps Isidore’s own self-indulgent objective in all of this.

There is plenty to analyze, though, in the relationships Isidore tends to in his stories. But as integral as Isidore’s relationships are to the premises of Liam and Acts of Love, both are far more interesting as exercises in introspection. Though his films might fixate on relationships in his life - be it the best friend he never fully understood his feelings for, the admirably open and honest communication with his parents, the fruitless engagements with men from online dating apps, or the lover who takes his affection for granted - Isidore actually seems to use filmmaking to develop a better understanding of himself and how he feels about things. It’s clear in his productions that by the end of filming - and for audiences, the end of the films - there are truths and realizations about himself that Isidore comes to terms with. Despite the seemingly eccentric nature of Isidore’s filmmaking style, the fragments of him in these periods of his life ultimately come together to craft a fascinating perspective of who he is and what he is learning about himself.

It only justifies what might initially seem like frustrating narrative and editing choices that he and his co-director make in Acts of Love - that not knowing what his film is going to be about at the start simply cultivates an open-minded spirit to discover something he doesn’t know exists yet, and audiences are treated to that journey alongside him. This is what makes watching Isidore’s life through film so marvelous: that while he wades through footage to find the purpose of his production, we as an audience get to watch him wade through hopes, desires, and fantasies to find what it actually means to love people and to cherish the experiences they offer.

HOT DOCS 2021 | "Acts of Love" Tries To Get To The Heart Of What Love Means To Isidore Bethel